I will pursue you

That moment when you wake up in the morning and your first thought is Jesus.
That moment when you're crying in your car because you feel his presence.

Yeah, that was me today. I had this interesting dream with Jesus last night. I've never dreamt with him before. It was a weird dream, out of place really, but it was sweet and gentle and I wish I could fall back asleep and relive it. In my dream, I was spending an entire day with Jesus. He wasn't a spiritual Jesus, he was man. He was dressed in jeans and a button down and he sat and spoke to me. He had shoulder length brown hair and a beard but I didn't REALLY see his face. He was taking care of my daughter for me while I did something. I don't even know what I was doing that I wasn't with my daughter but Jesus was caring for her. In the dream, I called my grandmother's house and asked for Jesus because thats where he was taking care of my baby. He told me she was ok. It then skips and Jesus is in my car with me. We're talking and I'm trying to give him excuses. Excuses on why I wasn't taking care of my daughter. Only I wasn't really giving him excuses. I would just tell him.."Well you know!" He smiled, looked at me, and told me that he still wanted to hear why. He wasn't being mean or anything. It was like he genuinely wanted to hear what I had to say. I proceeded to give him excuse after excuse. He just smiled, nodded and just said "uh huh" to everything I said. In the end we just laughed. Jesus made it clear, without saying much, that I had no excuses. Then I woke up.

I don't know if the dream means something. I don't know if I'm supposed to wake up with some epiphany or some secret knowledge. Maybe I just went to bed a little too full last night. I don't know. All I know is that I saw my Lord in a dream, and he emanated peace and gentleness. I trusted him completely when it came to my daughter and had peace in my heart when he told me she was ok. I knew she was because she was being cared for by him. I was happy when I was with him, he understood me and knew me. He listened to me. He was genuine.  And without speaking to me, he made me realize my errors. He can just do that in you. Convict you of your actions without saying a word.

That dream has altered my day. I'm driving to school and I'm tearing because I swear I feel him sitting next to me just like in the dream. Jesus has altered my entire existence and makes me want to keep searching and keep pursuing him. It's important for me to feel that way every day. I want to know he's sitting with me always. I want to know he understands me and that everything will be ok when I put my entire family in his hands. To know I can trust him implicitly.

Jesus....the center of it all. And that's how I like it. ;)

I told the mountain to jump...and it jumped!

I've been away from blogging for quite some time now. Life hit pretty hard from 2010-2013. My husband and I had our first child and shortly afterwards he lost his job for over a year. This past February the Lord blessed my husband with a new job but a month later I lost my own. It has been quite the process and the desert has been far from easy but we are persevering with the help of our Lord who has never left us or forsaken us. I am currently a very happy stay-at-home mother and frankly hope that the Lord gives me the opportunity to stay home. ;) Because life has slowed down a bit and because I missed blogging so much I have decided to attempt to rededicate myself to commenting on my biblical study journey. 

And what better passage about faith testing than 1 Peter 1:6-7. "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."

The bible makes quite a few references to faith. What is faith? Faith is believing without seeing. Trusting in the unknown. Believing there is a light at the end of the tunnel when you're surrounded by darkness. Faith is one of the most difficult traits a Christian is expected to have and practice. How do you believe that you can tell a mountain to move and because you have faith, it HAS to move? How does that make any sense? How am I supposed to believe that my newborn will have formula when my husband has no job or that the bills will be paid on time? How am I supposed to believe and trust the words of 1 Peter that say the trials are just for a little while? Isn't it cruel of God to test us with fire?

I can honestly say that most of those questions crossed through my mind over the past few years. But I didn't let them grow roots in my heart. Instead I allowed myself to believe in the words of the Lord when he told me "You will want for nothing. I sustain you." I chose to believe him. I chose to trust completely in him. And I can honestly say I have experienced the joy of seeing the trial end and my faith returning as pure as gold. I continue to trust and believe in him. It may seem naive to a few but not to me. My faith has allowed me to live in peace and my trust in the Lord and has allowed me to continue walking in his path because I know that he is waiting at the finish line. I will meet him there and he will embrace me and he will say "You did it."

What about you? Have you had your faith tested? Gone through a situation where you couldn't see the end of the everlasting desert? How did God help you?